One thing I’ve never done, or at least try not to do is push myself (e.g. my beliefs, views on certain topics, or what I think is acceptable or unacceptable in a given situation) onto others. To me, it seems like a pretty attainable task, but in life, especially with the boom of social media for some reason, it appears that we haven’t all learned to navigate “minding our fucking business”; and not in the way of if you see someone in dire need of assistance, leave them to fend for themselves. But more so in the way of “if person X is doing thing 123, and its making them happy, LET THEM DO THAT THING” without your judgie ass input or advice on the way you think they should approach said happiness. SPOILER ALERT: NOBODY GIVES A DAMN!
This unsolicited input is something that I’ve gotten a decent amount of despite what I’m sure is my “But who asked you…” face. In my situation, I definitely understand people’s concern and wanting to advise, especially those close to me. But there’s a way to go about it that most don’t seem to consider. There’s a big difference in telling me what i need to do, versus genuinely inquiring about my decision to gain understanding. Going through this “growth” process has really allowed me to get a dose of the fear I’ve heard people speak of in certain situations. “Coming out of the closet” so to speak, and building up the strength and courage to be who you are(love who you love) unapologetically, especially when there’s so much opposition and ignorance. I’ve been disrespected for my decision to love this man. DIS. RE. SPECTED. I’ve seen other women in my same situation belittled, and bombarded with unnecessary hate, and from COMPLETE STRANGERS nonetheless. For the life of me, I can’t understand why. Why I (or any of us) deserve to be called out of our names, or told that we don’t love ourselves and are “making other women look bad” all because of the decision we made to love, marry, plan a life with men/women that society has deemed unfit; for basic human needs, let alone love. In a sense, I get it, they aren’t locked up for being model citizens; hell I see some of these dudes with a rotation of 3-4 chicks a month so I know there’s some precautions that we must take when entering (or continuing) a serious relationship with an incarcerated individual. But in the end, it’s our decision, we have the right to do what we feel is best for our lives and the attainment of our own happiness whether the rest of the world agrees or not. At the end of the day, if someone finds happiness in an old shoe box filled with empty duck sauce packets, WHY DOES IT ANGER YOU? HOW IS YOUR LIFE AFFECTED? What’s also interesting, is that the folks who come forth with so much advice and “insight” 1, speak based off only what they’ve heard e.g.lil Shanice got played back in ’05 when her baby daddy came home after she held him down for 2 years. Two, almost 9 times out of 10 they don’t even have their shit together in love and/or any other area of their life, but they know exactly what you should or shouldn’t be doing with your time. #haveALLtheseats
Kinda off topic, but kinda not:
I often think about my decision and the young girls my life. Everybody knows how I feel about my nieces, even the ones I don’t get to see as often. Their perception of my relationship crosses my mind from time to time, and what kind of impression(if any) it will have on them. While I am not an advocate for searching for love on the DOC website lol, I am a huge fan of owning one’s happiness. I am very present for all things that add to our lives, no matter how unconventional or outside the norm they may be. I know what it’s like to live in a box, and just follow the path of least resistance for the sake of pleasing others and that’s not something they should ever experience. They should know that they are in charge; no one is going to show up on their doorstep with a bag of happiness and all the things that make their hearts smile (as it relates to any area of life). I want them to take away the fearlessness of my journey, the ability to make a decision to go against the grain confidently, and despite opposition. I would never want to stifle them with my views, or make them feel as though if they don’t follow the methods and life paths in the manner that the majority tells us, they are bad people or a disappointment.
Idk, this post felt a lot like rambling so I hope it all made sense. The take away message I was aiming for though is, to let people live. I only get one life, so I’m not tryna spend it infringing upon others people’s decisions, nor let others feel it’s ok to infringe upon mine. My happiness and peace of mind is my responsibility. I’M FIGHTING FOR THAT SHIT!