Written by “Mrs -GE 6309”
We tend to get this question a lot and she answers quite eloquently – so here you go –
“When people find out how long I have been married to someone incarcerated, one of the quickest questions I receive is “What about sex?” I respond “What about it?” It is completely inappropriate to inquire about another person’s sex life, which is why I ask the person why and how this is their business. However, the question of sex is a revealing look at the mentality of people when it comes to prison, relationships, sex and (the piece they don’t consider)…intimacy, as it often leads my inquisitor to respond with “I don’t see how you do it.” And, this is where I educate them.
We live in such a sexualized world. Sex permeates every aspect of our lives, from direct references to the slightest innuendo. Some say sex is the most important part of a relationship. If that were true, relationships separated by distance and time would be flaccid, but that is not the case. When you are in a relationship removed from sex, thoughts and urges wane.
Intimacy is not a function of the anatomy. It is a function of the heart and at the center of that heart is communication. Communication is the tool by which intimacy enters. In this type of relationship, you can’t use sex to fix an argument or pass the time, you have to communicate. Intimacy is the ability to connect on a level so deep it transcends physicality and understanding. Intimacy is the by-product of communicating with love.
I’m able to be with my husband because we have true intimacy. I hear his heartbeat from the inside. I read the sound of his voice. I know the wounds and hurts before the words are spoken. I see the weariness that hides behind his eyes. I possess powers no other woman has because he only communicates with me, as in he allows me to see him stripped-down naked without masks, presumptions, or ego. Sex is fleeting, a moment in time, or a washed-off action in jest. Intimacy is a fingerprint on the soul. His hand print is on my heart. This is how I do it. Education complete.”😘
Q1. Do you have true intimacy with your partner?
Q2. What’s the difference between sex and intimacy for you?”
MY RESPONSES
A1. Yes, I feel as though my husband and I have true intimacy even in the absence of the physical aspect.
A2. Sex to me, is the physical manifestation of our communication, compassion, attraction…. the final step in the intimacy process. Of course in a traditional relationship/marriage those steps of the intimacy process get a bit rearranged (not that that’s a problem) but specifically for us and the limits that incarceration impose, physical intimacy HAS to be the last step. Intimacy is understanding, its knowing when to give advice and when to just be an ear. It’s encouraging and coaching one another through difficult times or decisions, its purposeful honesty, its inside jokes and reassurance. It’s words accompanied by actions; intimacy is all the things that make you smile when someone mentions the name of your significant other. For us, intimacy is the confidence that we’re in this thing(life) together no matter what comes our way and the security of knowing we’re constantly cultivating a marriage that builds us both as individualsand AND as a unit.
Sex…well sex will be the sweet, fluffy icing on the cake🎂😋.
***Caption from IG:@my_life_as_a_prisonwife
May 9, 2019 at 4:51 pm
This was a good 1 cuz that’s literally the 2nd ? Asked after how long/u better than me statements🤦🏾♀️ Ppl don’t realize there’s other types of sex tht cn b had frm him havin a foofie Or me havin a vibrator or us just talkn dirty to each other.I never thought I could go w out sex until now it actually isn’t as bad as most think.Dont gt me wrong it’s times where I want the real but once I tlk to him and my smile arises tht physical want is over….I guess mind over matter type shit….Was that somethn u thought about when u gt w ur husband like damn I’m really not goin to have sex for like 10 hrs? You must of made this topic bcuz u were tired of ppl askn u? Are u open to suggestions on topics from ur readers? Just askn fr future reference…Don’t stop hitting us w the real tho😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
May 9, 2019 at 5:06 pm
I def thought about the wait😳 lol and we spoke about it extensively in the beginning. He gave me an optional “pass” if need be. On his end he explained it as him bein realistic about the amount of time we had left and not expecting me to not hv needs🤷🏾♀️. I get it and i def appreciate his consideration but i only crave him so even if i did step out id still be dissatisfied solely bcuz its not him. I was over ppl asking me about it a long time ago but i never addressed it since i didnt really feel the need to. But i came across this post on IG and loved the way it was worded so i figured I’d share it w folks. Glad u enjoyed it tho and im definitely open to suggestions from readers so let me know if u hv anything in mind.
LikeLike