You ever smile to yourself thinking about your significant other? Something they did or said that made you think “damn i love this fool” while laughing, blushing or doing that “🤦🏾♀️” thing, but still lowkey smiling? No? Just me? Ok😏
I’ll be honest. This is the longest relationship I’ve been in. I guess, I wasn’t really compelled enough to put in the amount of work that’s actually needed to go the distance in the past, but Mr Fuquan definitely made history around these parts. Anyway, I let him know, and of course he turned into the asshole he is “oh, so u REALLY sweatin a nigga huh?” #boygotohell |he ain’t wrong tho🥰🤷🏾♀️
I didn’t share it with him at the time, but as our 4th year together made its way closer and closer, I got a little nervous. Nothing crazy, but a few things def ran across my mind. “Will I get sick of him by default? Is 4 my relationship bad luck number? Is this the part where he does some fuck shit and I won’t be able to unhate him afterwards?” And yes, as loud and proud as he’s been about his dedication to me…to us, my past still had me a lil shook. But those thoughts came and went long before I had time to make a mountain out of a molehill.
As we make our way, day by day through what’s left of this bid, I realize more and more that although our current situation is far from ideal, our dedication to each other most certainly is. Having our real-time interactions be over the phone 100% of the time these days has also forced us to listen more closely to each other. No, I can’t look in his face but I can tell you EXACTLY what his expression is within the first few seconds of hitting that good ol #5. It’s a wild ass 7th sense, but I can hear it all; when he needs reassurance, encouragement, a hearty cackle (my specialty) or just to hear me breathe, because that’s a thing too. And the best part? He can read me the exact same way. Reciprocity…. we put that shit on everything.
I won’t ramble too much(more🤪), I’m just coming up for some “therapeutic writing” and my thoughts are finally not running into each other. I say all that to say I am so in love with that man. I love his face. His smile. His voice, and the way he laughs at my funnies deep from his diaphragm. I love his joy, and I love being a source of it for him. Hell, I love that he ain’t one of them raggedy niggas that got a problem with Ciara and Russell Wilson’s bonus son being loved on by the man who chose them both. TF!….i digress, but yeah we talked about yall filthy asses, bad too🤣.
ANYway, having this exclusive VIP seat to his evolution is mind-blowing. Like, have you ever watched a mf EVOLVE THROUGH SOME SHIT? The highs/lows, the excitement of finally overcoming a fear, or just the pride he exudes from consistently working through his shit to be better; and not only for himself but for me too? And babygirl? Smh 😻 quivering just thinking about it. #makeyapussythrobdontit
And just think of the bravery it takes for us to face OURSELVES when we’re not 100%. This man, requested my presence on that journey with him to sit front row; I even hold the mirror sometimes🤷🏾♀️. I love that he’s not ashamed to be flawed in my presence; and if I was a betting woman, I think he’d agree my love feels a lot like safety. It takes nothing from my life to shine my love and light on him, and I’m proud to do it. Especially in this dark time for him when so many are nowhere to be found. Shh! 🤫 if you listen close enough, you can hear our front door slamming in niggas face right tf now🤣😂 #AhtAhtwhoyouherefor #hello911thereisatrespasseronmylawn
To make a long story even longer, despite what anybody feels about him, myself, or our marriage(good or bad) we in this thang til the wheels fall off, teeth fall out and we riding hand in hand in our hoverounds sittin on 12s. This thing, this love, this life…were building it brick by heavy ass brick and it WILL be worth the wait for both parties involved👫🏾 #buhleedat
HEARTS.ON.LOCK.DOWN 
March 5, 2021 at 2:43 pm
Gm….You just hittin us w the back to back bangers! You must of felt the neglect to us *smirk* Or love life over there is really booming? Which ever I’m here for it! Most time I hang up w my man there’s always a lingering smile I end up replaying our convo in my head or just blushing as if he were n frnt of me(I love that feeling) ..Lol at that “thing” hey we gotta make it work right? Lol Wow you’ve never been in a relationship past 4 yrs? Do u get tired of ppl quick? Or it just happens that you never had the luck to make it past 4? Thts deep You guys are coming up on your 4th yr of marriage? Only cuz u said when u guys approached your 4th yr U started getting nervous.How did he take the news about it your “4 yr curse”you said ur past had u “shook” past relationships or ur past w him? So their are times where he just calls to hear u breathe? Smao Thts cute…I like how you guys are in tune w each other as much as possible considering the situation this is hard learning a human bein that’s incarcerated Did you ever think about the next step you have to face learning to deal w him being home? I think that’s also goin to be a challenge and possibly a deal breaker cohabitating can be difficult more less in this situation dealing w a prisoner for so long then when he comes home now learning to really coexist in each other’s space.S/b looking at your pic collage you can see the different levels of comfort ability w him in this Prison life.So u was “pooda” when you were teenagers? If so that’s cute that he still calls you that.You mentioned he’s in a dark time Is he ok? Do you still have haters against you all being together? At this point ..When you feel like the world is against you both what do you do to get through that? Your confidence about this life you would think you’ve done this b4….How’s ur mom? His mom? The BOYS?.I’ve talked the comment section OUT! Lol keep the writers section comin! P.s.I love how y’all “talk” to each other do you really say”boy go to hell” to him? Lol
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March 6, 2021 at 2:40 am
Ok im ready, had to make sure i carved out enough time to respond. So:
Lol its def both. Its always the love, but I’d been startin n stoppin drafts since my last post before these 2 so once i got the urge to finally write i just let it flow. Tryna get to at least once a month. I really don’t like the long gaps either but the creative process is complicated lol.
Yeah this is the longest relationship so far. I dont think i get tired of ppl quick, i actually give lots of “chances” so it just happened that both of them were at the 4 year mark whn i finally got sick of the bs from thm & myself🤷🏾♀️ (im down to giving one chance only these days…for EVERYBODY). We made it tho so all is well lol…last year was our 4th year TOGETHER so now we’re past that “worry” and lookin forward to the 4yr wedding anni is this year😁. He took it ok, asked if i was ok and reassured me that we’re just fine. I was shook about the past relationships and that 4 yr mark… my past relationship w him was intense but it wasnt long and we were still young so the dymanic was kinda diff. We talk about him bein home all the time. Im sure it’ll b an adjustment just like we adjusted to the situation we’re in now. I think we’ve set a standard of open n honest communication tho so we do pretty good w hashing out our differences, big & small. And after all this time i dont wont him nowhere BUT in my space(at least the 1st year esp🤷🏾♀️). I dont think he’s comfortable in this “prison life” but im sure my presence def helps lighten his load a bit and thats what u see in the pics. His little escape from the bs in there.
I honestly dont know if anyone actually has an issue w us… im sure someone or some few might but by now everybody KNOWS we dont give a fuck so they keep it to themselves or squawk amongst each other🤷🏾♀️.
We flock to our faith and each other whn we get overwhelmed and we both take our time away whn we’re overwhelmed in our perspective worlds, “hey im feelin grumpy, attitudey, annoyed so i needa day” it always comes bk to communicating and allowing each other space to still grow. My mom is great, we’ve had to come to several understandings these last few years but i think we’ll make it lol. The boys are fine, our youngest is taller than EVERYBODY now🥴 but they’re good, and makin the best of schooling from home. Thank you for asking.
And yes, that’s how we talk, i think it comes from the friendship part of our relationship. We can literally spend a whole call talkn shit bk n forth and laughin at each other🤦🏾♀️🤣 smh. It works.
Thanks for staying tuned in. I appreciate u😘
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March 6, 2021 at 2:15 pm
I get it writing isn’t easy ESPECIALLY If u care about your readers you don’t wanna put out poop 💩 lol…So I can appreciate the time off if that means you come back w the bangers😉.So your previous relationship and your current were your only REAL relationships since you and your husband split yrs ago? No,I was saying in YOU I can see the different levels in your comfortability w him and this “prison life” in your pic collage ☺️ Oh damn! No one is safe w u nowadays lol what you say “you giving 1 chance to EVERYBODY” .Thanx for that tip in saying “I’m moody, attitudey (lol)” One thing I like that my man does he calls EVERYDAY whether brief or the whole 15 mins Does your husband call u EVERYDAY? I feel lost and get nervous if I don’t hear his voice so he makes it his goal to reach out so I do t have those worries.Do you get like this if you don’t speak to him or are u past this stage?Glad to hear your mom is fine Ohhh! How did your mom take to ur IVF process? Did it make her happy to know that her baby girl will possibly and planning to give her a grand baby? I see you didn’t comment on his mom so I’ll leave that alone glad to hear the boys are well and GROWING lol.That’s the important part of a relationship as well the being friends STILL part.I think a lot of relationships lose sight of that.Before I close out Hru? Don’t know if many ppl take the time out to ask you.I notice u took his countdown off page was that for your sanity? Well I’m goin to end this good talk and take care and as usual KEEP EM COMING!
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March 6, 2021 at 2:46 pm
I had 2 significant relationships in the time he & I were apart, both only 4 years; that’s what made me think It was my unlucky relationship number lol. Ohhh ok, yeah i def feel secure in his space(despite our physical location) so that’s where the comfort comes from for me. And he calls daily, sometimes we run through all 10 calls and sometimes its 1 call for the day, or a portion of a call. I stopped worrying a long time ago when I don’t hear from him. Mainly bcuz I know he knows how to navigate that environment(unfortunately), plus most times he’ll give me a heads up if he’s not gonna call or if he’s unsure that he’ll be able to; communication. My mom was cool about it; I think by now she stopped tryna get me to conform to regular folk shit lmaooo.
I’m honestly doing great! Thank you, and no nobody ever asks about how I’M doing on this journey. But I never expect anybody to; People ask about him and his well-being all the time, but this is the 1st time that I can recall that question directed to me in regards to mine. It is what it is tho, plus I know some ppl may not b sure how to go about askin, or may not want to bring it up bcuz they think itll make me sad(it wont). My crew loves on me though, they show up and show tf out so I know who in my corner. But life hasn’t stopped, hubby and I are both wrkn on our respective goals and planning for our future so we can hit the ground running.
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