The “payoff” to not hvn hubby home is hvn more time w ME.  More time to focus on who & what I love, who & what makes me genuinely happy (and doesn’t); just hvn my eyes on me for once. Shackin up in previous relationships robbed me of the true beauty that comes from living ALONE(and baby is it beautiful🥰🧘🏾‍♀️)

There’s an univited quietness in his absence that I’ve decided to use to turn inward and really look at myself. When its painful, scary or just to retreat from the goofiness of the world; and I’m learning to appreciate it. I relish in the selfishness this bid allows me to have while still nurturing our union. Thanks to NJDOC, he can’t occupy more than 150 (real time) min of my 1440 min day. Once he’s home I won’t hv this around the clock time to just be alone w my thoughts, reflections, awareness so I purposely make the most of it now. I take myself on vacations, cook elaborate meals for the fun of it, have days where I do absolutely NOTHING and don’t feel bad about it, focus on healing my shit so it doesn’t create chaos in our marriage etc. I mean, it needs to be done anyway, might as well use the time I/we have to get to it now🤷🏾‍♀️

To a degree, im sure he has some resemblance of the same “alone time” to do his own reflecting and inner work, and I encourage it. Because the goal is for our time together (when it finally arrives) to match, or exceed the peace and beauty we’ve been able to create for ourselves, BY OURSELVES.. together. Yeah💋